PreshBlog

Friday fun post for 26/10/2007

by on Oct.26, 2007, under Humour

OK, another Friday fun post – shorter this time as it’s a rush to put it together.

Out of office notices…

I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. I may be a little moody so be prepared.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, the chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor’s having my brain removed s I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 18/11. Please be patient, your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged £5.99 for the first 10 words and £1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beaut of this is when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to the queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I’ve run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as “Sharon” instead of “Steve”.


A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach, when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”

The biker pulled over and said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.”

The Lord said, “Your request is materialistic! Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.”

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, “Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I
want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.”

The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”



Whilst tidying up her son’s bedroom, a mother finds a seriously explicit S&M magazine under the bed.

Horrified she shows it to her husband and asks what they should do…

“Well I don’t think you should spank him…” came the reply


“Why did the chicken cross the road?”

* KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

* PLATO: For the greater good.

* ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

* KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

* SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

* RONALD REAGAN: I forget.

* CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

* MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: … I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives being called into question.

* FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

* GEORGE W. BUSH (2): We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

* DARWIN : Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

* EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

* BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

* ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

* NELSON MANDELA: Never again, will the chicken be questioned for crossing the road. This is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.

* ROBERT MUGABE: For all of these years the road has been owned by the white farmers, the poor underprivileged chicken has waited too long for that road to be given to him and now he is crossing it in force with his fellow war veteran chickens. We intend taking over this road and giving it to the roadless chickens so that they can cross it without fear of retribution from Britain who promised money to institute road reform. We will not stop until all roadless chickens have roads to cross and the freedom to cross them.

* ISAAC NEWTON: Any chicken in the universe shall always cross a road perpendicularly to the side of the road, and in an infinitely long straight line at uniform speed, unless the chicken stops due to an unbalanced reactive force in the opposite direction of the chicken’s motion

* MOHAMMED ALDOURI: ( Iraq Ambassador): The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don’t even have a chicken.


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