Random Silly Quotes

To save you refreshing the page many times to get different amusing quotes in small text in the footer of each page, this "quotes" page will present you with twenty quotes each time you load the page.

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

My job's so secret, even *I* don't know what I'm doing.

"Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space."

Women need a reason to have sex; men need a place.

Windows: From the people who brought you the 640K limit

Windows is a kolossal kludge.

Gene Police: YOU!! Out of the pool!

I will not carve gods.

Honk if you like obscene gestures!

When your finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?

Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.

Name one nice thing about Windows? It doesn't just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first.

Due to a mixup in Urology, orange juice will not be served this morning.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. - Henny Youngman

Why is there a watermelon on the bandsaw?

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

Einstein said that talking to yourself is a sign of intelligence. Answering yourself, however, is a sign of insanity.

"If God dropped acid, would he see people?" -- Steven Wright

Reality-ometer: [........] Hmmph! Thought so...