Wanda’s dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to
go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I’ll leave the key under
the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a cheque.”

“Oh, by the way don’t worry about my bulldog Spike. He won’t bother you. But,
whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!” “I
REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!”

When the repairman arrived at Wanda’s apartment the following day, he
discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just
as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman
go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant
yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn’t contain
himself any longer and yelled,

“Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!”

To which the parrot replied, “Get him, Spike!”

Here’s a good reason to never piss off a JCB driver:

A man is walking in the park one sunny afternoon and comes across a little girl who is playing.

“Hello little girl and what is your name?”

“My name is ‘Petal'”.

“What a lovely name little girl. How did you come to get a name like Petal?”

“When I was a baby my mum put me in the garden in my pram and a gust of wind blew a rose petal onto my forehead. This is how I came to be called Petal”.

The man thanked the little girl for her story and walked off.

Not long after the man came across another little girl who was playing in the park.

“Hello little girl and what is your name?”

“My name is ‘Rosebud'”.

“What a lovely name little girl. How did you come to get a name like Rosebud?”

“When I was a baby my mum put me in the garden in my pram and a gust of wind blew a rose bud onto my forehead. This is how I came to be called Rosebud”.

The man thanked the little girl for her story and walked off.

The same man then came across a little boy in a wheel chair.

“Hello little boy and what is your name?”

“Breeze block”…………………………..

Wow – in another industry-first for Google, they’ve just announced the release of their new ISP service, working on the basis of fibre laid through the sewer line systems.

Looks pretty simple to install too.  Unfortunately, the list of water companies which support TiSP leads to a 404 page, looks like they didn’t get round to doing that part yet.

Nice one Google!  :)

Video of some Norwegian dude skiing down the escalator at Angel tube station in London:

Looks like fun :)

OK, you couldn’t make it up.  A London woman is trying to sue her landlord after falling through a garage skylight. Continue reading Muppet sues after falling through garage skylight →

How not to rob a liquor store – Youtube vid from security cameras of a thick bungling criminal attempting to burgle a liquor store. It’s just not his night :)

Taken from a funny post on Visordown, a rundown of what tools are really used for:

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
Continue reading What tools are really used for →

Okay, I thought I’d seen it all, but this is too funny.  The Irish Cancer Society have a policy that you may not link to their website without first filling out their link request form, ticking the boxes, then, er, printing it out, signing it, and faxing it to them.

Continue reading Link request form… can they be serious? →

My colleague Andy posted an interesting set of domain name double entendres to our shiny new company blog, including:

•  www.oddsextractor.com (unusual uses for farmyard equipment?)
• www.cumstore.co.uk (er….)
• www.whorepresents.com (presents for that special lady of the night?)
• www.expertsexchange.com (well, you’d want an expert to perform an operation like that)
• www.penisland.net (land of what?)
• www.therapistfinder.com (why would you want to find a… nevermind)
• www.molestationnursery.com (allegedly true, but not the site of Mole Station Nursery, it’s just a page full of adverts)

People, think before you register that domain name.  Unless of course domains like these are just a cunning way to get free traffic from blog posts like this…. hmm….